Love Dare #30 Love Brings Unity

DARE 30: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity. 

This was surprising because a potential area of division has just cropped up. And the reason for it is, as is common in most marriages: Money.

We may have to make some changes regarding finances and we're really struggling deciding on the issue. This has caused some tension and we are trying to discuss things constructively with the rules we set in Dare 13, but it will take many more talks and a lot more prayer before we can decide. I am torn because we do need to make a decision, but it's a little frightening. Lord, we need You now. Lead us in our decision and give us wisdom. Also, soften our hearts so even if the right way is not what we would willingly choose for ourselves, help us to determine to follow Your will no matter what. Let us be reassured that You know how it all turns out and that You will order things for good to those who love You! Help us to pray for each other, Father, and grant us unity and the faith to take the next step.

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the LORD:

Love Dare #29 Love's Motivation

DARE 29: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you," then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person- unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Loving someone anyway, even when they give me no reason to love, has not been my strong point. The only one I've truly tried to do this with is Hubby, and I've got to say, it's rough! Even with such a good man, there are bound to be disagreements, flat out arguments and the oh so deadly silent treatment.

But I'm beginning to see that perhaps it doesn't have to be so terrible. Perhaps it's my perception of it that is the problem.

After much reflection, prayer and tears, I've realized that in my case, it boils down to pride. I have always been one of those girls who tells you what she thinks. I've lost many a friend that way, and have learned the hard way that sometimes my opinion is better kept silent. However, in this society where women were not allowed to vote until less than a century ago, I sometimes mistake pride for refusing to be a feminine doormat. I see now there are many situations where I use sticking up for my gender as an excuse to cuttingly voice my opinion.

Praying for Hubby is a daily act of love now (Dare 16), but this was such a great reminder for me to use the prayer time to strengthen my love and compassion for him. With this change of motivation, I felt eager to see Hubby today and was very happy to be near him when he came home. Amazing how love and intention can change one's perspective of the every day things, like a spouse arriving at home the same way they do every day. Only it's different now because no matter what's happened in the past and what may happen, you have determined to love them. I'm beginning to see just how deep God's love for us goes, and how thankful I am for it, in light of all my sins.

Lord, thank you for the gift of prayer. Please forgive my sin of pride and help me to nurture and not tear down with my words. Thank you for my wonderful Hubby and the love he has for me and Baby Boy. Help me to fulfill the purpose you gave me when you brought Hubby into my life and allowed us to be married. Let me love unconditionally and to always lean on You.

Love Dare #28 Love Makes Sacrifices

Alright, I really need to get back in the habit of typing my daily dares. Here's hoping I will keep up with transferring it from my journal to B&I:

DARE 28: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need. 

I have realized that my lack of initiative may be contributing to Hubby's stress when he comes home. Well, let me rephrase: My lack of initiative does not relieve any stress Hubby may be under when he comes home.

At the end of the day, I'm dead tired. I've most likely weathered and corrected countless tantrums from our toddler, cleaned, cooked several times a day, cleaned some more, potty trained, fought to keep Baby Boy in his room at nap time, straightened up the inevitable toddler messes, been teacher at learning time, disciplinarian when tantrums fly, and mommy when owies need kissing. Needless to say, staying home is not a glamorous (or easy) job, but it's well worth it. So, this bedraggled, emotionally frazzled, starved-for-adult-conversation mama is who welcomes my man home at night.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see Hubby and I try to make him feel welcome. Sometimes being in his arms and hearing his voice is the only thing that can soothe me after a rough day. Nine times out of ten, there is a hot dinner waiting for him, I greet him sincerely thanks to Dare 9, and now thanks to Dare 15 I honor him by giving my full attention, setting the laptop aside and leaving the TV off in the evenings unless Hubby turns it on. But I believe that I can go an extra step; especially at times when I know something is bothering him.

I can tell when his neck injury is really hurting him. I sense when things did not go well at work, or when being on his feet for 12 hours a day takes its toll. But what do I do about it?
Most of the time I'll ask if he needs a massage and when he says "No thanks, Luv." I leave it at that.

Or I'll ask what's wrong and he'll go into a long monologue about his rough day and I find myself cutting him off, giving him a solution and my very strong opinion on the matter. My outburst usually leaves us both thinking, where in the world did that come from? I have an opinion for everything.
My parents began calling me Miss Opinionated when I was very young and even now I get chided with the nickname when I'm being especially ornery. Why can't I just listen to Hubby? Let the guy vent a little? I will not hesitate to tell him when he's giving me an opinion and I wish he would just listen, so I've decided the least I can do is to give him the same consideration when the situation arises.

So tonight, I saw that Hubby's feet were really hurting. After he ate, he said he wasn't up for much conversation and wouldn't mind if I wanted to use the laptop that evening. I shrugged and opened up the laptop. After a little while, I just couldn't get lost in my usual research/email/general doing nothing online. I shut the laptop and asked Hubby how he was. He said fine, but I saw how he winced whenever he moved his legs.
I asked if he needed a massage. He said "No thanks, Luv."
I tossed one of the couch cushions on the floor in front of him and to his surprise, proceeded to massage his poor feet.

The Bible shows over and over again that when Love sees a need it makes adjustments to fulfill it.
God does it for us, through his provision. We needed salvation and God provided a way through Jesus' death on the cross. The mere fact that we wake up in the morning is due to God's grace and love.

Why can't I see a need in Hubby's life and fill it with no thought of being repaid, just acting out of love? I think it's possible, but will take some practice. I know I can't do it on my own, I'm too selfish. I need the Lord's patience and love so I can in turn love Hubby unconditionally and act on that love.

After a few minutes, I saw that the massage was making a difference to Hubby's aching feet and by the end of it, he was visibly relaxed.
Now, was I tired? Yes. But I know how hard it is to get a good night's rest when ones feet are swollen and throbbing from standing 12 hours a day. I used to work retail too.
And I know the sweet relief a massage can give to those hard working feet.

With that simple act, my love for Hubby was deepened, which is so not what I expected! It proved to me that a selfless act can benefit the giver as well. So selfish motives are the only reason one can be unhappy when showing love because there are high expectations about being repaid. I'm overwhelmingly thankful that the Lord continues to teach, no matter how stubborn I am. And I'm happy to know that such a small gesture made such an impact on both Hubby and me!


Proverbs 28:20a A faithful man shall abound with blessings: