An Emotional Wreck

That's what I've been the last few days. A family member is going through a crisis and I thought I was being supportive, but when their crisis was over and it was time to grieve, they made a decision that made me angry. I didn't even know where the anger came from. It was just there. And overwhelming. It shocked both me and Hubby. It turns out that I was placing all the concern and frustration and helplessness that I wasn't able to express in my own crisis onto theirs. And once they decided to exclude family members from the 'closure' part of their grief, I was so angry I was seeing red. I see now that I was pinning my hope for closure in a past situation of mine on them and that was unfair. This is their tragedy, not mine. The fact is, I will never have that 'this is the end' moment regarding my own situation and I need to accept that. I thought I had. It turns out I had much more to say about an event that has been over for a year now than I knew. I didn't take it out on them, which I'm thankful for. They didn't need my wacko come-out-of-nowhere anger in the middle of all the other stress they were going through. I'm glad they have closure. I'm sad I never will. And that's just the way it is. I know this, too is for a reason. I'm trusting that I will grow and come out of this a better person.

Thoughts and Projects

So now I'm trying to do more things that I love. Things that make me feel at peace and give me a sense of accomplishment. I'd like to do more crafting and learn how to do a better job of saving money. Crafts help me unwind and refocus. I haven't crafted regularly for a long time. So here goes. Being newly out of a job, I'm having a hard time feeling like I contribute to the family as a whole. Sure, I take care of my son and try to take care of the house. I switch off cooking with my MIL, which helps considerably in the sanity department, but sadly, I've come to believe if I'm not financially contributing to my family, I'm not really making a difference. It's a mindset I constantly struggle with, so I want to make a conscious effort to be happy and allow myself to appreciate the beauty in life and to be inspired to make my little corner of life a happy, beautiful one. Will this fulfill me? Who knows. I'm willing to take this journey. It may be a slow one, but I hope to make it sincere.

I often feel stuck in the repetitive routine of a stay at home mom. I've only recently remembered that crafting helps to calm my restlessness. I've always wanted to decorate but thought it would cost too much to decorate for every occasion. Well, I decided to have a Valentine dinner for my little family so we could reinvent the day of love into a family love appreciation. And really, it would give me something to do. So here are my homemade Valentines Day decorations.
Not ecstatic about this wreath, but hey, creating it kept me happy for several evenings. It's all foam that I cut and decorated one way or another. Except for the huge foam wreath, that is. It was already in it's donut-like shape. The wonders of tissue paper and glue, huh?

Goodie bags doubling as placecards. I've edited the names :)

Heart garland and dangling heart pendants cut from patterned papers in various shades of pink.

Tissue paper pompoms made from this Martha Stewart tutorial.

What I love most about these projects is the joy and everyday purpose they've given me and the fact that I saved money by making them myself. We'll see what tomorrow brings.