Strong and of Good Courage

That title is so not how I feel. Another trial has made itself known. My human heart just wants to scream "Isn't it enough already??". But I know, I don't feel, I KNOW that the Lord has always brought us through. And He will again. It might not be in the way I would like it. The rescue from this new fear/pain/anxiety may not be all sunshine and roses. But I know that it will come because God's Word promises that He will not leave me desolate. I have nothing else, Lord. Only You. And You are more than enough. Please grant me peace and the courage to walk ahead trusting You.

Joshua 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage ; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

Hope Through It All

 I Peter 1:3-9.
Verse 5 encourages me to remember to have faith. Because God has already provided a way for me to be saved from all these troubles. I just have to endure the trial first. But even in the worst of it, I am kept by the power of God.
Nothing else is as amazing as that knowledge. To know that these worries and this emotional pain will eventually cease. That no matter the intensity, it is all temporary and in the end God will work it out for good.

Peter also says in verse 7 that as a believer, my faith is counted as much more precious than gold because it will not perish like every costly earthly thing.

Verse 8 describes my relationship with Christ. I haven't met Him, but I love Him.
I love my Savior with all my heart because He continues to be faithful even when I forget to nurture my walk with Him. However, when I continually seek Him out and strive to be more like Him, He blesses beyond compare. He promises throughout the Bible that He will never forsake me and I've found that to be true.

I cannot see Him, but I believe in Him and because of that I can be joyful even when life doesn't hold much reason for it.

So in slowly reading through these verses I am realizing that even when it doesn't seem like it, there is hope. I can't trust my emotions right now. I have to hold onto God's Word and the hope it gives. My Lord has promised to bring me through every trial with a joyous heart if I choose to look at it through faith. And when all trials are over I can be sure of complete happiness in eternity with Him.

Lord, I want to be used of You, even when life is bleak. Lately, my heart feels as if it has been broken over and over again, but when I stop wallowing in the pain, I can still look up and find You there. Thank You, Father, for always being good! And for Your continued faithfulness that teaches me to be constant to You. God is holy and mighty, my Rock and my Deliverer; and He is always worthy of praise.

A Woman After God's Own Heart

I'm going through a major trial. God has never been more real and I have never felt so broken. The only thing that keeps me from giving up and giving in to despair is God's grace. I hold to His Word and His promises because I feel like my life depends on it. I am choosing not to share the nature of this trial, but I needed a way to vent and this blog has always been the place I have been brutally honest about myself.

I'm going through a book that is part of the study "A Woman After God's Own Heart". I will be writing my thoughts as I complete each day's devotion.

I Peter 1:1-2
"1.Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to the strangers scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia,
2.Elect according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ: Grace unto you and peace, be multiplied."

Because it was written during a time when the early church was being persecuted, that passage shows me that trials will always be a part of life. Also, it promises hope through the darkest times because of my salvation.

 I see through Peter's writing that I am chosen and cherished by God and can I tell you just how much that comforts me right now? Because of this situation, I struggle with thoughts of worthlessness, but when I take the time to soak in the Bible, I see that I am far from worthless in God's eyes.

The last sentence of verse 2 encourages my heart in the middle of the tears and heart ache and doubt.  
"Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied."
Because I am a daughter of God I am promised grace and peace! Those are two of the things I desperately need right now. I'm so thankful that I can pray for grace and peace. And I'm confident that because God has promised, I will receive them every time.

Day Before Thanksgiving

Today I'm thankful for:

1. The lovely holiday smells floating through our home.

2. That I have a family to cook for and groceries enough to do it!

3. Baby Boy's happy lilting voice singing "Happy Birthday Jesus" (he's got his holidays a little mixed up).

and a few more because there's so much to be thankful for:

4. A loving husband who is always eager to get home to me and Baby Boy.

5. Family and good friends who always show they care no matter how long it's been between phone calls.

6. A warm dry place to sleep.

7. Group hugs with Hubby and Baby Boy.

What are you most thankful for today?

One Day Till Thanksgiving

Today I'm thankful for:

1. A praying toddler, even though it means we sometimes pray 4 or 5 times before we can eat :)

2. Our Heavenly Father who blessed us with a loving Baby Boy we can call our very own. 

3. A wonderful Almighty God who is always good and is never too busy to hear even the sweet innocent prayers of a child.

What are you thankful for today?

Two Days Till Thanksgiving

Today I'm thankful for:

1. Hubby having an unexpected day off! We ran errands but it was good to be together :)

2. God's Word and the encouragement it gives.

3. Nearly 3 years of being Mama to a beautiful little boy, and nearly 5 years of being wife to a loving man.

What do you find yourself thankful for today?

Three Days Till Thanksgiving

Today I'm thankful for:

1. Leftovers. Very handy for feeding a hungry toddler when you're not feeling up to par.

2. A sweet hungry boy who doesn't complain and gobbles up leftovers like it's the best food in the world!

3. Our wonderful family near and far. Wish we could see them all during the holidays...

As Thanksgiving draws nearer, do yo find yourself thinking on all the good things in your life?

What are you thankful for today?

Six Days Till Thanksgiving

I wanted to begin a week from Thanksgiving and each day write 3 things I'm thankful for.

1. Little arms that give the best hugs.

2. Knowing we're safe when we go to bed.

3. That contented feeling that sometimes creeps up when Hubby walks through the door and I think "Ah, we're all together again."

Thankfulness is an attitude. What are you thankful for today?

Missing Sunday Dinners with Family

Growing up in Samoa, Sundays always featured a huge dinner for my family, filled with tons of family and an abundance of good food. I remember a time when my grandfather wanted only turkey or ham to be served on Sundays and I never got tired of it year round, but that's me :). But what I remember as the best part of those Sunday dinners was that I got to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles and all my cousins. It really was a haven in my frantically busy childhood. My parents' schedules (and subsequently ours as their children) were chock full daily from morning till night, so I considered those brief hours on Sunday afternoons to be my only bit of sanity before having to rush off to another function.

I see the merit in having a simple supper on Sundays so families can relax and not be stressed out with cooking. But for me, I really would love to keep the tradition of having a big dinner on Sundays. It's not always that festive since Hubby works, leaving Baby Boy and I alone, which is decidedly different from the happy bustle I remember during Sunday dinners. But some day our family will grow and we'll be able to enjoy the noise of having a large family settled around us at the table as we talk about our week and just soak in being together.

Usually, the solitude leaves me so not in the mood to whip up a big dinner on Sundays, but today I'm feeling particularly homesick so I've decided to make ham, steamed rice and some side dishes. I've also determined to clean off my poor dining table (which is constantly cluttered with my latest craft/spa project), scrub off the latest toddler stickiness and use our best dishes. And you know what? I think we'll even have candles. Maybe. Now, at our huge family dinners we would use paper plates most of the time. And with the naughty kids we were (and the sometimes oppressive heat), the last thing on my aunts' minds were to light candles within our reach. But a candle-less table and paper plates didn't matter, it was family time and I miss it. I guess right now for our home, with so few of us, I want to make a bit of an event of it. Because I'm weird. But mostly because I miss home. I miss my family and I wish we weren't so far away.

Anyway, to make you forget a bit of my rambling, here's a recipe:
I found it on this website and decided to pair it with the ham we'll be having for dinner. Because of a sensitivity to the acid, the guys can't handle much citrus, but I thought it would make a nice change since we have a fruit basket filled with oranges at the moment. Hubby was sweet enough to pick up a whole sack of them so I could make pomanders for the very first time for the coming holidays. Fun! Unfortunately, I need more cloves after making only three, hence the excess of oranges. More on that later. On to the recipe:

Provencal Orange and Honey Salad

3 oranges
2 tablespoons honey* 
1 lemon, zested and juiced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil or to taste
Fresh basil or mint leaves, cut in chiffonade (thin strips)**

* Use a light-tasting liquid honey, such as clover or orange blossom
** Vary the herb garnish according to how you plan to serve the salad. Basil is best when it is a first course or salad, while mint suits as an intermezzo or dessert.
Using a sharp knife, cut the top and bottom off the oranges to expose the flesh. Stand the orange upright, cut away the peel, following the contours of the orange and removing all white pith along with the peel. Trim off any bits of white left on the orange.
When all the oranges are peeled, slice them crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick rounds. Put the orange rounds and any collected juices in a shallow bowl or deep-dish pie plate.
Pour the honey over the sliced oranges and gently toss with a rubber spatula to coat. Set aside in a cool spot (or the refrigerator if you like) for 1 hour.
To serve: Grate a heaping teaspoon of lemon zest from the lemon and set aside. Squeeze the lemon. Drizzle with the olive oil. Scatter over the lemon zest and herbs, and serve.

For individually plated salads:  Pour about 1 1/2 teaspoons of lemon juice on each plate. Drizzle with the olive oil. Scatter over the lemon zest and herbs, and serve.
For a platter presentation:  Pour 2 tablespoons of juice onto the platter. Spoon the orange slices and the accumulated orange juice onto the plates or platter. Drizzle with the olive oil. Scatter over the lemon zest and herbs, and serve.

Variation: Layer the orange slices with slices of ripe tomato and sprinkle the whole dish with Fleur de sel or sea salt.
Makes 4 to 6 servings.

Here's hoping you get to relish some family time with those you love most.

Please Pray for our Apartment Complex UPDATED

This is happening NOW. Please pray for the safety of those involved and the rescue workers. The fire is affecting three apartment buildings across from us. Our building is safe, but please continue to pray for those who live in the burning apartments.
The ambulances have left so we are hoping they have taken those who needed it to the hospital. Best case scenario would be that nobody was hurt and the ambulances weren't needed. We're hoping for that!

UPDATE: 2PM We still do not know what caused it or many details, but there's good news: the flames have been put out! 

Thank you to everyone who continue to pray for the people who are affected by this.

UPDATE: 9:41PM
The Red Cross and some other wonderful organizations have stepped up to help these people who are homeless now. Many of them lost all their belongings in the fire. I keep thinking, if Hubby's schedule stayed how it should have been, we wouldn't have been here when it happened. It was not an easy thing to see, but maybe just maybe we needed to be here praying for the people and rescue workers. Not that we're so wonderful, but I believe every little bit helps. The 16 tenants who suffered from the fire will have a roof over their heads tonight at least and the Red Cross has set them up with debit cards to help them get back on their feet. I can only imagine the devastation they might feel. There were a few interviews on the news of people saying they were just thankful the Lord kept their families safe, no matter if they lost everything. They had what really mattered and would trust that God would open another door for them. What a beautiful attitude! I would hope to be as gracious and hopeful in the face of such personal tragedy. All the brave beautiful survivors are who we are praying for and we are so thankful that there was no loss of life. God bless the rescue workers who put their lives on the line for strangers!

UPDATE: 10PM
Our apartment managers as well as some firefighters, police and tenant volunteers are out patrolling tonight. Please pray for their safety as they try to keep the vultures away. How sad that looters would prey on other people's hardship! We have volunteered to help as much as we can, with Hubby working all the time and me with Baby Boy, but they have promised to call if we are needed. Maybe for clean up. I know in situations like this there can never be too many helping hands. If looters are so insensitive, at least we can be thankful for the lives saved!

11PM Hubby went out walking around our building and the one at the end of the lot where people have been pushing the chain link fence over to sneak in. It seems everything was quiet, but he will be out again every night we're here. Praying for all the wonderful volunteers who are losing sleep to keep the property safe.

Infantile Gastroenteritis Home Remedy: Rice Water

Infantile Gastroenteritis. One of the leading causes in the mortality rate of children ages 0 to 3 years.

Here is an excerpt of a study comparing rice water with the electrolyte solution usually used in cases of gastroenteritis:

The most obvious difference in the 2 groups was in the effect on diarrhea (stools/day). Rice water cut down the number of stools more effectively than did oral electrolyte solution. No patient died, and there were no pathological sequelae in any of the 130 patients. Rice water can be tried as a more practical alternative to oral electrolyte solutions since there are problems with providing oral elecrolyte solutions to all babies with diarrhea in the developing countries and ensuring sterility.

Click here to read more. I think technology and medicine are amazing, but I also believe we have so much to learn about using the medicine that is present in natural foods and plants around us. What are your thoughts?

Work it Out Wednesday: Bellydance

I've decided to use Wednesday as my personal exercise motivation day. That's a mouthful! I wrote before about my weight loss journey but haven't expanded on that subject. No pun intended.

I become bored very easily and it seems that I need to switch up workouts to stay motivated. So, since I like to blog and choosing to get moving every day is part of my search for a beautiful and inspired life, I want to write about it here. Sort of a reminder to myself to keep going.

I LOVE cultural dancing and am trying to use that as a way to stay active. So this week, I'm learning how to bellydance the cheap way, via youtube videos. Take a peek at one of the videos I'm using this week:



I will most likely switch to a different workout or dance next week to keep my interest up, (there's a gorgeous hula I would love to learn! also on youtube) but that's the norm for me. I will alternate between workouts until I learn it completely and then find a new one that intrigues me. Easy, fun, good for my health and FREE.

Choosing to do things that enrich my family's life as well as my own has been a wonderful experience and I want to keep going! Now everything has a focus and I'm enjoying every project, craft, spa night recipe, and healthier choice we're making as a family.

Life has never been more fulfilling. Four years ago, if you told me sometime in the future I'd be in a strange new city without any family nearby, without a car and having to use every iota of brain power to save my family money, I never would have predicted that I'd be able to say that. But it is. And God continues to be good.

Find something that inspires you and use it to see the beauty that's already around you. There are so many things we already have that are worth having and cultivating. Skills, compassion, relationships, family. Life is beautiful, so live it!

Early Bird Gets the Pillow

Baby Boy climbs out of his crib and comes sneaking into my room every morning. In the wee small hours, in virtual dark, he navigates his way around various packing materials, down the cold hallway, past the laundry room and into the master bedroom. All while half asleep. My morning snuggler arrives as early as 6 AM some days, scooching under the covers and inadvertently waking me by trying to fit his shaggy head onto my pillow. I know I will probably regret letting him do this for 3 weeks, but I can't help it. I love the gentle surprise of my baby boy's kiss on my cheek, his sleep-slurred little voice whispering "Night night, Mama", pulling my arm over him as he curls himself into a soft ball and nestles onto my pillow's corner. I smile softly, not quite awake myself, watching as he almost instantly falls back asleep. I close my eyes and listen to his little snores, hoping for a bit more sleep before my alarm rings. Those are the good mornings. The mornings rosy colored memories are made of. In reality, most mornings, Baby Boy arrives wide awake and (non too gently) demanding food or drink. "Mama! Ache up, Mama! Peas ache up, Mama! I eat! I hunry. Peas!". Needless to say, I'm not too fond of growth spurts right now, but I'll take all the slow snuggly mornings I can get.

A Wish

I was taking a break from the incessant organizing/cleaning when I saw an update on one of the blogs I subscribe to. Go to Passionate Homemaking to read Lindsay's thoughts about the poem below:

Cleaning and scrubbing will wait 'till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So, quiet down, cobwebs! Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

by Ruth Hamilton

This poem has me so wistful! I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment, but I long for a time when I can indulge in that type of thing again. Because, right now, it's impossible. If I don't do it, it won't get done. And my determination is waning. For the past few days, I've been dragging my feet in the worst way. I never do nothing, but it's precious little that does get done. I'm very discouraged at having to do it all alone when I have no clue, no confidence in myself if I'm doing things right. After all, I've never done this type of thing before: gotten a house ready to put on the market. What does one do? And how? I'm weary. I desperately try to keep from a meltdown, making myself take breaks and trying to spend a little time outside and giving attention to Baby Boy every day, but this huge responsibility is wearing on me. Anyway, I'm posting this poem for a little inspiration. A reminder that the familiar, unhurried bliss of quiet home life will eventually come around again. A time when my biggest worry will be figuring out how to work story time around nap time and the occasional chore. But for now, I'll continue to work and trust.

An Emotional Wreck

That's what I've been the last few days. A family member is going through a crisis and I thought I was being supportive, but when their crisis was over and it was time to grieve, they made a decision that made me angry. I didn't even know where the anger came from. It was just there. And overwhelming. It shocked both me and Hubby. It turns out that I was placing all the concern and frustration and helplessness that I wasn't able to express in my own crisis onto theirs. And once they decided to exclude family members from the 'closure' part of their grief, I was so angry I was seeing red. I see now that I was pinning my hope for closure in a past situation of mine on them and that was unfair. This is their tragedy, not mine. The fact is, I will never have that 'this is the end' moment regarding my own situation and I need to accept that. I thought I had. It turns out I had much more to say about an event that has been over for a year now than I knew. I didn't take it out on them, which I'm thankful for. They didn't need my wacko come-out-of-nowhere anger in the middle of all the other stress they were going through. I'm glad they have closure. I'm sad I never will. And that's just the way it is. I know this, too is for a reason. I'm trusting that I will grow and come out of this a better person.

Interesting...

Just read an article that states research shows our sleep positions can say volumes about personality. I sleep half the time in the 'Freefaller' position and the other half in the "Fetus" position. Here are their definitions:

Freefall position - Those people who lie on their bellies with arms under or wrapped around a pillow with head turned to the side, make up 7% of the population studied. Freefallers are brash, outgoing, and are very uncomfortable with criticism.

Fetus position - A whopping 41% of participants sleep in this curled-up manner. Women are twice as likely to rest like this and it is listed as the most common position. These sleepers are said to have a tough exterior but are still sensitive and may appear to be shy but warm up quickly.

Ha! Wow, I hope their wrong! Ok, in all seriousness,I'd like to know if your sleep position matches your personality. How does this study categorize you? Is it correct? I'm not sure which I'm supposed to be. How can I be brash and shy at the same time? Ah well, I guess it's something I'll have to ponder as I stare down my critics in a sensitive manner :)

Just a Little Bruised...

Yesterday Baby Boy and I were in a car accident. We lost our car and are so overwhelmingly thankful for the amazing firefighters who pulled us out of our flipped over car and made sure we were okay. It all happened so quickly and we had a real scare. One thing I'm newly appreciative of is our wonderful family and close friends. We're so blessed to have such beautiful souls in our lives who love us so much! I keep finding new bruises and am so amazed they are all I suffered. I definitely believe Someone was watching out for us. Thankfully, Baby Boy came away with barely a scratch. My brave little man who never cried, even when we found ourselves suddenly slammed by another car and losing all sense of direction as we rolled over in a fury of smoke and shattered glass. Seatbelts are such a simple thing, but I'm so glad we had them. I think our good old straps and buckles kept us from getting seriously injured. I see everything with new eyes. Things that seemed important are no longer top priority. I am reassured that the little things I've come to treasure are truly important. They are what matter. The people in our lives who we love and who love us: they matter. Others whom I've tried to please. Others who have judged me or my family and I've tried to judge back: none of that matters. I can't afford wasting time and life worrying about what they think or how I can repay their unkindness. I hadn't even realized I was doing that, but I was, in little ways. I hope to always have the clarity of thought I have right now. I love my family, my Lord and the life I'm blessed to be a part of. That's what is truly important.

The Price of Beauty

I saw a commercial for Jessica Simpson's reality show The Price of Beauty and the idea intrigued me so much that I have just watched the first two episodes online. Having grown up in a South Pacific culture but now living in the US, being constantly bombarded by images of how people in mainstream fashion believe I should look is deeply unsettling. I've never had 100% positive self esteem, but the messages being machine gunned down my throat on billboards, TV and even radio are sometimes overwhelming and have me questioning what I believe beauty to be. Do I believe something is beautiful because that is what I think, or because that is what has been dictated to me as beauty? I don't quite know the answer to that question, but I'm slowly sifting through the rubble in my mind to find what I truly think about beauty and about what I believe is beautiful about myself. Now, in the past, I've been frustrated with Jessica Simpson and her tendency to appear airheaded at times. There were a few moments in the first episode where I thought she was being disrespectful, but she admitted she was wrong (which doesn't change what happened, but oh well) but the idea behind the show has some merit. At least, I believe it does. Instead of the all around exploitation of other reality shows, this show is trying to teach something. It really makes me stop and think about the preconceived notion of beauty. All around the world there are different standards of beauty. Most cultures see another culture's beauty standards as bizarre, but is peer pressure at fault in all these instances? Did someone somewhere decide something was beautiful and everyone else just jump on the bandwagon without asking why? I don't know. But it makes me reconsider my perception of beauty and strengthens my resolve to find inner beauty and not put so much stock on outer beauty. I still like my makeup and girly clothes; I just want to remember that I'm me with the same intellect and talent and compassion whether I'm all gussied up or not.

What is Beauty and Inspiration?

These things are so convoluted in my mind. I will purposefully choose to do things to better myself. It starts now. Well, it started yesterday. Not being one who learned how to keep a house, I struggle with housework and end up resenting the mess around me. Yesterday I decided to put away one thing every time I entered a room. By the end of the day, my pile of daily chores didn't seem so dismal and you could actually see the kitchen sink and my dining table! Maybe there's something to this whole choosing your path thing. I used to blame my past for my shortcomings. This is who I am. Deal with it. But then I read somewhere that if you believe your past made you who you are, right now you're shaping who you'll be in the future. It got me thinking about what I thought I couldn't change about me. I'm going to start shaping myself into the person I want to be. I'd like to be smarter, kinder, more resourceful and stronger. I have no idea where to start, so I hope that writing about it will help. Today I will compliment a total stranger. This is hard for me since I don't make friends easily and am usually a very cynical, private person. Not just shmoozing. I will give someone a genuine compliment without sarcasm. I'm terrified just thinking about it. I want to eventually choose huge things that will enrich my life. For now, I'll start small.