Saturday, May 1, 2010
An Emotional Wreck
That's what I've been the last few days. A family member is going through a crisis and I thought I was being supportive, but when their crisis was over and it was time to grieve, they made a decision that made me angry. I didn't even know where the anger came from. It was just there. And overwhelming. It shocked both me and Hubby. It turns out that I was placing all the concern and frustration and helplessness that I wasn't able to express in my own crisis onto theirs. And once they decided to exclude family members from the 'closure' part of their grief, I was so angry I was seeing red. I see now that I was pinning my hope for closure in a past situation of mine on them and that was unfair. This is their tragedy, not mine. The fact is, I will never have that 'this is the end' moment regarding my own situation and I need to accept that. I thought I had. It turns out I had much more to say about an event that has been over for a year now than I knew. I didn't take it out on them, which I'm thankful for. They didn't need my wacko come-out-of-nowhere anger in the middle of all the other stress they were going through. I'm glad they have closure. I'm sad I never will. And that's just the way it is. I know this, too is for a reason. I'm trusting that I will grow and come out of this a better person.