We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday, May 1, 2010

An Emotional Wreck

That's what I've been the last few days. A family member is going through a crisis and I thought I was being supportive, but when their crisis was over and it was time to grieve, they made a decision that made me angry. I didn't even know where the anger came from. It was just there. And overwhelming. It shocked both me and Hubby. It turns out that I was placing all the concern and frustration and helplessness that I wasn't able to express in my own crisis onto theirs. And once they decided to exclude family members from the 'closure' part of their grief, I was so angry I was seeing red. I see now that I was pinning my hope for closure in a past situation of mine on them and that was unfair. This is their tragedy, not mine. The fact is, I will never have that 'this is the end' moment regarding my own situation and I need to accept that. I thought I had. It turns out I had much more to say about an event that has been over for a year now than I knew. I didn't take it out on them, which I'm thankful for. They didn't need my wacko come-out-of-nowhere anger in the middle of all the other stress they were going through. I'm glad they have closure. I'm sad I never will. And that's just the way it is. I know this, too is for a reason. I'm trusting that I will grow and come out of this a better person.


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