DARE 5: Ask your spouse to name 3 things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do this without attacking or justifying your behavior. Do you wish they would stop doing things that annoy you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that annoy them. Love is not rude. Good manners shows your spouse "I love you enough to exercise some self control around you."
Oh, I was so nervous about doing this, but I asked and Hubby just looked blankly at me. He said he couldn't think of anything, that he loves me very much and doesn't hold onto things that may irritate him. I realized again what a good man he is! But I gently encouraged him, making a joke about how I'm so not perfect. He laughed and thought for a minute and at last only came up with one thing but it was so true. He would like me to trust him. And really, there's no reason in our entire marriage of 4 years and friendship of 5 yrs before that, no reason at all for me to doubt him, he has always been honest. It's a bad habit of mine to be suspicious.
So, I listened and he was a little concerned that he may have hurt me, but I told him, no, I needed to know and I'm sorry and I'll work on it. What I wasn't prepared for was when he turned it around and asked me what 3 things about him annoyed me! As far as I know, he isn't participating in the love dare. I didn't mention to him how I'm going through it. But this is definitely making a difference and strengthening us!
Making my conversation positive is more natural now and I'm now applying it to Baby Boy as well. I hadn't realized how many sarcastic jokes I make when Baby Boy's having a toddler fit. I used to think it was funny but now I see how I can use it as an opportunity to teach him something and to always be gentle and encouraging. Also, I was excited to call Hubby today and say hi for no reason. He told me TWICE throughout the evening how good it was to hear from me and Baby Boy throughout the day, even if it was just a message. He liked knowing we missed him and were thinking about him. We had left a few silly messages on his voicemail but Hubby loved being included in our day!